You’re understated, I understand.

I’m a little, no, alot annoyed by how little I lost from restricting. I lose more when I just binge-purge. Its so tempting right now to eat everything in my cupboard and then throw it all up because I know I’ll have lost weight tomorrow because of it…and I get to eat what ever I want.

I’m odd, I love my food. Infact I’d go so far as to say I’m obsessed with food. What I don’t love is the idea of being fat and somewhere along the line of my life I’ve convinced myself that I’ll wake up obese, with no warning. And so it began. I can’t allow any more than 500 calories in me with out panicing and throwing up. And if I think I’m going to go over 500 I usually just eat until I look pregnant and then throw up! Sometimes I eat so much I’m doubled over, I just can’t stand up straight because it hurts so darn much. I’ve no idea what a normal meal portion is these days and even if I did it wouldn’t matter. I’m un-stoppable when I get going. Well, until the food runs out at least.

I’ve not got high hopes for today. I’ve stayed home because I’m so…just not happy, okay? My stomach sounds like its drowning, I’ve already drained a litre of coke zero this morning. I’m trying to fill myself up before it happens. If I had any sleeping pills left I’d just go to bed and sleep through the day.

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