How about another time.

I’m down 1.35lbs since yesterday. This puts me at my lowest weight since recovery so I had a little jump for joy when I saw that on the scale. Of course though my mood has dampened since then, I’m exhuasted. I went to the gym today to run (my favorite pass time) and its drained me to within an inch of my life and in roughly 2 hours I’m going to an 18th.

I don’t really want to go, tired or not, I don’t want to go. I’m walking on eggshells at the moment. I’m in the frame of mind where I think I can eat whatever I want because I know I can throw it up just as easily as I ate it. Going to a party is just asking me to binge-purge. No, begging me to. I’m starting to see and feel the affects of purging alot more though lately. My skin is breaking out, all my teeth have become sensitive and a little sore, the hands being cut up from never getting a break and my stomach never feel right. Sure, I know restricting isn’t any better for me but the physical affects are alot slower to come about. God, I’m so scared that my teeth are about to fall out, I could cry just thinking about. I have nightmares about rotting teeth falling out my mouth.

Right now I’m just sitting around waiting for my dinner (winter vegetable soup). I’ve been hanging out for it all day. Shouldn’t be long now. So to sum up the day, restricted well, no purging, got in gym time and soon to be at a party that I won’t be very into but at least I’m not bailing on one of my best friends most important birthdays.

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