The morning after is always harder.

Excuse me for being grogy and unresponsive. I went to the party, I went to that damn 18th! Okay, it wasn’t that bad but my friend was. She got so drunk and told everyone how much she loved them, crawled and climbed over our bodies and then I got complained to about it like I’m her baby sitter or something. Kind of ruined my night. I didn’t get drunk, I drank but I didn’t get drunk. I got…tipsy which really only makes me talk about as much as the normal person so to the untrained eye I seemed as though I hadn’t drunk at all. Unless you’re a close friend, then you might pick up on it.

I did put on the weight I lost, fuck it all, but I’m hoping its water weight but my refusal to take responsibilty and the fact that I’m less than my normal self today has already put me over my calorie limit. Way over my limit. I was going to go to the gym but I think I’d fall asleep on the tread mill. I think I’ll just finish eating today and fast tomorrow. That should leave me at Fridays weight and ready for my normal heavily restricted week.

I booked my plane ticket to Perth today and I’m leaving on the 20th of June and will be returning on the 8th of July. This gives me 28 days to lose 16lbs. If I can lose just over half a pound a day it can be done and it will be done. I’ve bought myself low-cal cordial and intend to drink it like oxygen along with vegetable stock and coke zero. This is how I usually make it through my days. Weekends, which I spend with my mother and friends are what challanges me. Thats the trouble with ‘recovery’. It means people find out you have problems and for the rest of your life they’re watching you like you’ll weigh 105lbs over night again (I’m 5’8” by the way, I had a BMI of 16).

I’ve got to start saving now for the trip. I should be getting 400-500$ for it from Mum but every penny counts. I’ll be staying at my friends and for the 2 weeks. I don’t think we’ll be eating much (she’s probably borderline ‘ednos’) but we’ll probably drink more than one should in a 2 week time frame. I also need smokes, smokes and more smokes and I want to do some ‘vintage’ shopping. When I lived in Perth I never really took the time to explore so thats what I want to do and it could prove to be expensive.

I’m going to spend the rest of my day reading and trying not to purge. What about you? 

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