Wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.

Barely back from a gym session. An hour and a half on an empty stomach has burnt me 600cals (give or take) which is damn good for me since I’m not the most fitness forward type of person. Although, when I look down at the screen of the treadmil and realise that on level 8 and an elivation of 1 I can burn 100cals in less than 10 mintues its pretty easy to push myself because really, what is 10 more minutes? Its 100 more calories burnt, thats what! So I run. Of course there was the eliptical, 2 diffrent types of bikes, the rowing machine and weights but I’ve got a soft spot for a treadmil. Running clears my head and, unlike on the bike or the elliptical or the rower, if I stopped running it could hurt— I’d suffer. There is nothing quite so motivating as the threat of pain and/or misery.

Incase you missed the subtle hint before (“on an empty stomach”) I have fasted all day. Its hard not to when you sleep until 3pm on the couch. Every now and then I’d wake up at which point I’d read (I just downloaded ‘Wasted’, you’ve probably heard of it.) or go to the bathroom, refill my bottle and go back to sleep infront of my heater. I’m the real cat woman. Not the chick in tight leather cracking her whip but the one who enjoys being scratched behind the ear, naps frequently and likes the heat from her laptop.

I’m thinking about fasting again tomorrow, minus the exercise. Don’t want to over do it. I could do the hour walk to the library and read all day…or go to school. Its amazing how I skip school to go to the library. Or I could go to the gym…no, no gym. The last thing I want to do is push my self over the edge. I don’t know, I’ll just see how the day goes. I’m usually a bit jittery about eating after a fast anyway because I think the first bite of anything will be the return of all weight loss. Something no one wants. Unfortunatley the longer I go without eating the harder it is to start again with out intense, fiery, guilt that in the past has left me suicidal. Of course that was before my recovery and I’m smarter (in theory) this time around. Like I said, I’ll figure it out. Don’t you worry about me.

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