I’ll always remember you like a child girl.

Sleeping is damn near impossible. My head just won’t switch off, its almost as if it goes into overdrive when it hits the pillow. At about 3:30am I’ll doze off but not well, I toss and turn and wake up and go to sleep and wake up and at 7am I’m up again and I drag myself to the bathroom to weigh in and shower and then collapse on the bed again. Finally able to sleep but missing school again.

Not that school is my greatest concern. I don’t work well in the education system. I’m not a rebel when I go, I do my work, I participate more than the people who go every day, I probably know more than the people who go everyday, I’m just not able to commit to anything, in particular school. Deadlines make me panicy, homework (in my mind) is considered a waste of time. So everyday I sit tucked away in the corner of my couch with pillows, blankets and a book until I’m finally failing everything because of poor attendance. I don’t really care but my Mum does and the guilt from letting her down is enough to make me physically ill.

I’m down over 2.5lbs from yesterday. I’m aware at least half will be water weight but I can’t help but be happy with myself. I think a plateau will be coming around soon so in theory I should be starting to eat a little more. I’m giving it serious consideration today, I was about to eat a little 70cal bread roll but chewing it seem foreign and wrong so I put it back. I might try again later, say another hour or so. I’ll knock my calories up to less than 500 a day for the rest of the week. I’ll probably put on a little weight at first, regaining the water weight, but then I’ll start to lose again. I have 24 days to lose 13lbs for my flight, I don’t know why…I just like to have things to shoot for. Keeps me focused and on target.

Oh, if anyone has some nice low-fat, no-fat, vegan muffin recipies (or easily convertable into vegan) they can share with me, please do. Obviously I need the nutritional information- calories need to be accounted for. Sweet not savoury too. Alrighty, going to make another attempt at that darned roll.

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