This is not worth it.

I feel like I want to write something. I want to say something but I can’t quiet seem to be able to grasp the words, this one thought thats just bouncing around inside my head and driving me insane.

It feels like being lonely but no, thats not it. I’d say I’m numb but it hurts. Its pulling at my heart, squeezing it, crushing it- I’m pretty sure its breaking it apart. I try to retrace my steps, what did I do? Its obviously something I’ve done but what?

I’ve never allowed anyone to look after me, as a result I never learned how to look after myself. I’m missing instinct. The instinct to nurture, to eat, to survive…sometimes I forget to breathe. There is something wrong with me and this thought, the one crashing around my hollow body, is trying to let me know but I can’t catch it.

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