Bone structure.

I decided against eating today. I figure eventually my body will have to catch on that if it wants to make it through the day then its going to have to eat into those plentiful fat stores its got going on. If I don’t lose weight tomorrow though…I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m really starting to panic. Why won’t it go away??? Because I was quiet serious when I said if I don’t get close to my 20th of June weight target you won’t be able to get me on that plane without a god damn fight, which of course, my Mum will give me.

The 4th day of starving is a curious one. Its less like hunger you’re feeling and more like this continous burning dot in the center of your gut. Occasionaly you feel a grumble but it quites itself quickley and goes back to sleep, remaing forever on fire though. You don’t realy notice though because it is constant, it just becomes mundane and boring and you wonder, with resentment, why your body even bothers? Why does it try and rebel against you? 

I spent this day in bed. Its usually the 4th day that has me feeling unusually tired. I’m less irritable and more agreeable. I feel like going out side and putting daises in the barels of guns and saying “Love your fellow man, man!”, only my legs are rather reluctant to take me anywhere. I don’t want to drink so much on the 4th day, whilst the 3 days before this one I was drinking like a fish trying to mask the hunger. The 4th day is, to me, make or break day. I could probably go for quiet some time now, not eating and not even caring. Like, for instance if my scale decided to make me cry tomorrow I’ll not eat again but then again, perhaps if it makes me smile I might decide its not worth eating again.

Its a fickle mind I have. Always sabotaging itself and its body.

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