I will not hide the sadness in my eyes.

Well my day went from bad to worse. No seriously, this has been a truly horendous day and I should actually kill myself. I won’t though because that would ruin all of god’s fun.

It started off with some weight gain- oh wait, did I say some? Try 2.2lbs! Oh yes, 2.2lbs gained from 5 days of fasting. If that doesn’t make sense to you then imagine how I felt? Pretty fucking depressed. I figure, okay, minor set back but I can get past this. I decided I’d lay off the fasting and start doing some restricting and bring my metabolism back into check. Obviously, what I say and what I do can vary ever so slightly so this is what really happened.

I went to the shops with my Mum and decided on some lunch, a 6” vegi sub (no cheese, no dressing) which is 215 cals- completley acceptable I decided. Whilst eating Mum went on to say how she doesn’t know why I need a psychologist, this (being eating disorder, depression, OCD and anxiety) isn’t that serious, blah-blah-blah then, very loudly, said I better not throw the sub up because its a waste of good food and her money. In my mind this does not go down well. Then we went onto jeans shopping. I hate jeans- trying on jeans makes me want to slit my wrists. Ever shop has a diffrent way of sizing, every shop leaves me feeling like I’m fat enough to fill the grand canyon if I suck in my gut. Eventually I gave up, not satisfied with anything- everything being either to loose on the legs and too tight on the hips or just right on the legs and way to tight on the hips (my body is very out of proportion).

I got home, mind realing and feeling depressed, I made my way through another 6’000 calories in food and then purged. How’s that for waste Mum? Cost a bit more than your 4 dollar subway, didn’t it? Don’t worry though, its not that serious. My organs are just slowly dying, my asophagus is being destroyed, I’m suicidal 5 out of 7 days of the week but its not that serious so don’t you worry your little head on it.

I believe another 5 day fast is in order to make a mends for this. Obviously alot of that 6’000 calories will have been taken in, purging does not solve everything- if it solves anything. I will not weigh myself until Wednesday either (haha, yeah like that’ll happen) and I will never eat when shopping with Mum again. Unfortunatley for me though I have to go jean shopping next weekend again and, like it or not, have to actually purchase some of those bastards.

So, 5 day fast anyone?

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